Aug 31 2011

Paraprosdokians

A bit of levity from my friend Sharifah…

A paraprosdokian (plural paraprosdokians), from the Ancient Greek παρά (para, “against”) + προσδοκία (prosdokia, “expectation”), is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.

  • Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  • The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
  • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  • A bus station is where a bus stops… A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
  • I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted pay checks.
  • I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  • Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
  • You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  • Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
  • You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
  • To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  • Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  • When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
  • The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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