Epiphany

Ruminations from a May Day revisited

By Jacques d’Nalgar, May 1, 2012 (and rediscovered/completed on April 14, 2019 CE)

 

There have, of late, been an abundance of letters bemoaning our reluctance to wring every last drop of oil from the dust and ashes from whence we come and go.  Clearly we are shirking our patriotic duty when we fail to feather the pockets of all those behemoth corporations we worship at the neighborhood fumatories for three grades of gasoline and two sizes of Slim Jims.

It’s obvious that the “drill baby” crowd isn’t the least bit concerned about oil spills in their endless quest for more and more of that bubbling crude, black gold, and Texas tea that nearly ruined the Gulf of Mexico a couple of years ago. And before that, seems like there were a few birds and other critters who died in horrible ways away up there in youbetchya Alaska when the Exxon Valdez made a slight mess of things.

So, after ruminating about all of our bazillions of barrels of untapped red, white, and blue petroleum, and after reading today’s erudite letter to the editor (below), I had an epiphany.  It happened while taking a break from gazing at my navel, as we elitist progressives are wont to do when we’re not sipping martinis.  Instead, I was humming a dear old commie May Day hymn when, out of the blue, the great speckled bird of happiness delivered my epiphany, the solution to Everything.  Here, then, is a brilliant idea whose time has come and I offer you my Eureka! moment, free of charge…

Oil.  We just love it, love it , love it.  Can’t get enough of it.  Fortunately, in the Gulf of Mexico anyway, Jesus hid it from the Indians and the conquistadors for almost two thousand years, apparently saving it for white Protestants.  And here we are, so let’s just drain that sucker and get after it.  Get ‘er done.  All we have to do is build a couple of dang-big dams, say from Homestead to Havana, and from El Cayuco to Cancun.  Once we’ve turned the Gulf into a big-ass pond, we just pump out all the water that’s keep us from getting at all that God-given oil.

Sorry, Destin and Pensacola, but we all have to make sacrifices to “harvest” the oil that’s just out there waiting for us.  Harvest?  Who knew?  Apparently oil is just like an Ohio cornfield — we can go back every so often and “harvest” it all over again!  Anyway, once we’ve drained the Gulf, the place will still be way too swampy for regular drilling operations (unless we use all those pretty coral reefs for stepping stones).  Fortunately, the solution for blow-drying the Gulf is right under our noses.  (Can’t you smell that smell, Mister Skynyrd?)

Have the big-oil fatcats saddle up their sold-out politicos and ride them into the morasse like a herd of pigs, where they can all together harrumph and bloviate their usual hot air.  Before you know it, the former Gulf of Mexico will be as parched as  the Baja desert, until the place is a stinking wasteland of dessicated crustaceans and rotten fish.  Of course, once we’ve plucked every last drop of oil out of there, we’ll have to hurry up and blow the dams to keep the Cubans and Mexicans away from our sea to shining lily-white sea.  And after that, we can think about where to go next — the Bering Sea, or the Great Lakes, or Yellowstone Park.  Leave no pristine place unturned if it can yield even a drop of the greasy goo we are so desperately addicted to.  After all, once we’ve violated and despoiled America, and then the rest of the planet, we can just let it lie fallow for a few million years and then “harvest” it all over again.

 

Source for poster:  https://www.ornamentshop.com/christmas-blog/may-day-celebrates-occupations/

 


This voter’s already decided (Jacques d’Nalgar: lost in the fog of antiquity, this is presumably from around May 1, 2012…)

Dear editor:

Darryl Foshee makes a better argument for trickle down economics than I do, and then he calls it a myth. Well, “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure,” I guess.

Is John Crawford a Christian?

As for Thomas Watkins:

1. Oil reserves – it depends on who is doing the counting. Including the reserves proven to exist in offshore waters – off Alaska, California, the Pacific Coast and the Gulf Coast – and including the reserves known to exist in shale and on federal lands where permits are denied – the United States has far more oil than Saudi Arabia – we just can’t harvest it because of the EPA and the Democrat Party.

2. The Army Corps of Engineers is currently controlled by a Democrat government. That’s why the red tape is so impenetrable.

3. If we could export less and import less, that would be good, wouldn’t it? Less dependence on foreign oil is a good thing, right?

4. The bigger reasons for the slowdown in oil production from the Gulf was: A. Obama refused to allow foreign vessels to assist in the cleanup; B. Obama imposed a moratorium on all oil production in the Gulf and has been almighty slow in restoring permits. Meanwhile, foreign nations have increased drilling in the Gulf and Obama is making deals to buy oil from those countries.

5. The only bills the Senate deigns to consider come from Democrats. The Senate hasn’t passed a budget resolution in three years. How can Congress control the purse strings (as the Founders intended via the Constitution) if they absolutely refuse to do so?

6. Poor people go to emergency rooms because they can. There is no good reason why every citizen of these United States has to buy health insurance. We’re already paying for health care for those who can’t afford it, why get more red tape involved in that?

Let the reader decide which political party deserves our vote. I’ve made up my mind.

M. Wayne Spencer
Hot Springs

Related Posts

Whoever Bacile turns out to be Hollywood of hate By Matt Duss, Wednesday, Sep 12, 2012 07:00 PM CDT   Not since the Pamela Anderson-Tommy Lee honeymoon tape has a crappi...
Politics and religion don’t mix The provocateurs know politics and religion don't mix By Robert Fisk, Thursday 13 September 2012   So another internet clever-clogs sets t...
Interfaith benevolence Interfaith Misunderstanding in America By Brian D. McLaren, 09/10/2012 12:30 pm   It's been a great year for interfaith misunderstanding...
Memoir of the dying process Hitchens' "Mortality" evokes an unforgettable voice By Hussein Ibish,  September 11, 2012   Narratives about dying are among the least app...
I keep sighing Here we go again: Islamophobia and protests By Mohamed el Dahshan, September 12, 2012   “I demand the expulsion of diaspora Copts from Egy...
A gentle strength that transcends My Take: It’s time for Islamophobic evangelicals to choose By Brian McLaren, September 15th, 2012   I was raised as an evangelical Chris...
The pieces are all in place The persecution of John Kiriakou By Peter Van Buren, 23 Sep 2012 12:35   Here is what military briefers like to call BLUF, the Bottom Li...
Follow Him Peace Be Upon You By William Saletan, Friday, Sept. 14, 2012, at 4:57 PM ET   Dear Muslims, Christians, Hindus, and Jews, You’re livi...
How radical and warped Guantanamo prisoner’s tragic letter By John Knefel, Sunday, Sep 16, 2012 09:00 AM CDT   Adnan Latif was found dead in his cell on Septembe...
Some are guilty, but all are responsible The forgotten massacre By Robert Fisk, Saturday 15 September 2012   The memories remain, of course. The man who lost his family in an earl...

Permanent link to this article: https://levantium.com/2019/04/14/epiphany/

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.