By Justin “Filthy Liberal Scum” Rosario, December 27, 2011
One of the more ridiculous talking points of the Right is that America was founded by devout Christians. Christians that, despite living centuries ago, believe and hate all the same things that today’s conservatives believe and hate. Poppycock, says I! And so does any reputable historian. But people behind this fable are not interested in historical accuracy. The real intent behind this “belief” is to erode the separation of Church and State to the detriment of both and to the benefit of those who would use religion as a means of control. To this end, the Right has spun a truly fantastic yarn where they are an oppressed minority and Christianity is beset on all sides by those with evil intent. But there is a way to pierce this fabrication. I call it “The Muslim Test.”
So what is the Muslim Test? Simple! It is the fool proof method of revealing this Right Wing hypocrisy. As the last three years have made blindingly obvious, the average conservative has lost all sense of reality. They are so consumed by hatred of Muslims, they’ve jettisoned every shred of rationality. But how do you get through to people this crazed? Well, you really can’t. But what you can do is force them to confront their lunacy and watch them howl at the moon in outrage. This provides a glimpse for neutral or undecided bystanders into the depths of Right Wing fanaticism while providing liberals with an amusing game to play with mentally unhinged people.
Here’s how the Muslim Test works: Take any conservative claim that they are being oppressed by evil secularists or rival religions, replace Christianity with “Islam” and see if the offended party is still quite as gung-ho. Conversely, take any demand for special privileges, insist that they be granted to Islam as well and watch the odd conservative head explode.
Let’s try it out!!
Angry conservative: “I’m offended that those darn liberals have taken prayer out of school! I demand that we allow our children to worship in the classroom!”
The Muslim Test: “Well, OK, we’ll allow the principal, Mr. Siddiq, to lead a morning prayer to Allah.”
Angry conservative: “WHAT?! I don’t want my children worshiping another faith!”
The Muslim Test: “Well, then they can stand out in the hallway while the class prays.”
Angry conservative: “ABSOLUTELY NOT! Why should MY children be treated like outcasts?!”
See how easy this is?
Angry conservative: “You can’t build a mosque in our neighborhood! We won’t allow it!”
The Muslim Test: “I guess you if you really feel that strongly about it, it’s OK. I hope you don’t mind, but the Muslim community of Dearborn, Michigan has said the same thing about new churches.”
Angry conservative: “They can’t do that! The Constitution says that I have the right to freedom of religion! I can build a church where ever I want!”
Please don’t look for consistency from these people. You won’t find it.
Angry conservative: “The Constitution does not say anything about keeping Church and State separate! We should base our laws on the Bible!”
The Muslim Test: “Well, OK. We’ll make it illegal to eat, drink or have sex between dawn and dusk during Ramadan.”
Angry conservative: “Wait, that doesn’t sound like the Bible…”
The Muslim Test: “Obviously pork will be illegal.”
Angry conservative: “Now hold on there…”
The Muslim Test: “And state mandated circumcisions for all males.”
Angry conservative: “Wait a minute! I meant MY religion!!!”
The Muslim Test: “Of course you did…”
You should have a pretty good idea of how the Muslim Test works now. Go ahead and try it out on a few of your conservative friends!*
*The staff of Addicitinginfo.org takes no responsibility for the fallout when your conservative friends call you a terrorist sympathizer and defriend you.
Illustration by Darren Diss.