Observations on the life of faith from a candidate for the Office of Teaching Elder in the Presbyterian Church (USA), April 4, 2012
- Do you see that water over there? I’m about to turn it into grape juice.
- Upon this rock I will build my megachurch.
- Call me. I can help your team win.
- I’m not concerned about the very poor.
- I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America.
- Two words: Culture war!
- I’m worried about who will wind up as the next emperor of Rome. I think I’ll start a political action committee.
- No shirt, no shoes, no service.
- The greatest among you shall be the ones who have accumulated the most stuff by the time you die.
- Sabbath, Shmabbath! Forget about it!
- You’ll never see or hear from me again.
- Whenever you eat these soda crackers and drink these tiny glasses of grape juice, you proclaim my death until I come again.
- Did you bring your Bible tonight?
- Do this in remembrance of me on the first Sunday of every month.
- Sing the first, second and last verses.
- Those who are the most religious among you have got it made in the shade.
- The praise team’s new album is available in the gift shop.
- Gay is not OK.
- Follow me, and I will bring you fame and fortune.
- Happy Easter!