Gristle in your tea

This darling piece, another in the ongoing saga of “reasons to hate Muslims” (Sentinel Record, October 27, 2010, page 25), was a jewel of illogical brevity:

Attacked by Muslims

Dear editor:

On Sept. 11, 2001, America was attacked by Muslims. Muslim extremists, to be sure, but they were not Catholic extremists or Jewish extremists or Hindu extremists or Japanese or German or Russian – every person who planned, trained for and executed the flights of those four planes was Muslim. Muslim first, extremist second. Not all Muslims are extremists and not all extremists are Muslim, but on 9/11, America was attacked by Muslims, who were extremists

M. Wayne Spencer
Hot Springs

Inspired by its brilliance, I offer the following parody (just barely)…

Attacked by Idiots

On Sept. 11, 2001, America was attacked by tomato-eaters.  Extremist tomato-eaters, to be sure, but they were not carrot-eating extremists or banana-eating extremists or mashed-potato-eating extremists or women or giraffes or Republicans — every person who planned, trained for and executed the flights of those four planes ate tomatoes.  Tomato-eater first, extremist second.  Not all tomato-eaters are extremists and not all extremists eat tomatoes, but on 9/11, America was attacked by tomato-eaters, who were extremists.

…now if you’re looking for reasons to hate Muslims, that utterly silly paragraph probably makes perfect sense to you.  But, if you need something more to gnash your teeth on, here are a few lumps of gristle for your tea:

9-11 was a colossal intelligence failure.  People who know how this clandestine business operates will all tell you that the red-hot trail of the 9-11 terrorists suddenly, inexplicably, grew stone-cold.

Sarah Palin is a nimrod.

George Bush and his “ilk” (seems to be a popular word, n’est pas?) – Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, Bremer, Wolfowitz, Libby, Blair, Wurmser, etc. – are war criminals.  If not in this life, then surely in the next.  If there is a God, justice cannot be postponed forever.

Did I mention that Sarah Palin is a nimrod?

Christians, in their post-Judaic holy texts, are instructed to watch.  Read Matthew 24:42, 25:13, 26:41, Mark 13:33/35/37, 14:38, Luke 21:36, Acts 20:31, 1 Corinthians 16:13, Colossians 4:2, 1 Thessalonians 5:6, 2 Timothy 4:5, 1 Peter 4:7, and Revelation 3:3.  Here are some things to watch:

America’s problems started long before a black President with a funny name took office.  Instead of acting like hysterical villagers clamoring for the head of Frankenstein’s monster, stop and look in a mirror.  Every time you buy cheap food picked by migrant workers who have no rights, or a cheap product made in near-slave conditions in China or Vietnam or any of the other sweatshops around the world, you are the monster staring back in the flickering torchlight.  America’s problem is you.

…and me.  Read the lyrics of James McMurtry’s song “We can’t make it here.”

Above all else, hate a Muslim.  It’s the Christian thing to do…

Jacques d’Nalgar (also a tomato-eater, and a very imperfect follower of Jesus)
Hot Springs, Arkansas

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  1. “Gristle” was published in the Sentinel Record on Wednesday, November 3, 2010 (page 8). The section admonishing Christians to watch was redacted…

  2. In today’s Sentinel Record (page 20), entitled “Responding in kind.”

    Dear editor:

    Potatoes cause heart attacks. Do you know anyone who has survived a heart attack? Ask them if they have ever eaten a potato.

    Carrots cause HIV/AIDS. Do you know someone who has it? Ask them if they have ever eaten a carrot. If they can’t remember, ask their mother.

    There are a lot of carrots in baby foods.

    Beans cause cancer. Do you …

    Oh, never mind. I’m almost sure that even [Monsieur d’Nalgar] gets it by now.

    The people who attacked the World Trade Center and the Pentagon on Sept. 11, 2001, were Muslims. I don’t hate Muslims in general, but I’m sure glad that that fourth plane was stopped and I’m glad that all of those particular Muslims are dead now. “Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.”

    Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

    M. Wayne Spencer
    Hot Springs

  3. Also in today’s Sentinel Record (page 21), also under the same title:

    Dear editor:

    In response to [Monsieur d’Nalgar] and his flippant statement, “A few days ago, there was yet another darling submission to the ongoing saga of ‘reasons to hate Muslims,’” I submit the following.

    I challenge him and anyone else who wishes to have the answer about the need for fear of Islam, get the book “Shariah, The Threat to America, Report of Team B II,” then see what their response would be about “the fear of Muslims.” It is available at Amazon books and other places I am sure. It cost $14, plus shipping.

    Sacrifice a few beers or martinis and find the answer to the greatest challenge facing our country, the bastion of freedom in this world in which we are trapped.

    Dan Darnell
    Hot Springs

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