This darling piece, another in the ongoing saga of “reasons to hate Muslims” (Sentinel Record, October 27, 2010, page 25), was a jewel of illogical brevity:
Attacked by Muslims
On Sept. 11, 2001, America was attacked by Muslims. Muslim extremists, to be sure, but they were not Catholic extremists or Jewish extremists or Hindu extremists or Japanese or German or Russian – every person who planned, trained for and executed the flights of those four planes was Muslim. Muslim first, extremist second. Not all Muslims are extremists and not all extremists are Muslim, but on 9/11, America was attacked by Muslims, who were extremists
M. Wayne Spencer
Inspired by its brilliance, I offer the following parody (just barely)…
Attacked by Idiots
On Sept. 11, 2001, America was attacked by tomato-eaters. Extremist tomato-eaters, to be sure, but they were not carrot-eating extremists or banana-eating extremists or mashed-potato-eating extremists or women or giraffes or Republicans — every person who planned, trained for and executed the flights of those four planes ate tomatoes. Tomato-eater first, extremist second. Not all tomato-eaters are extremists and not all extremists eat tomatoes, but on 9/11, America was attacked by tomato-eaters, who were extremists.
…now if you’re looking for reasons to hate Muslims, that utterly silly paragraph probably makes perfect sense to you. But, if you need something more to gnash your teeth on, here are a few lumps of gristle for your tea:
9-11 was a colossal intelligence failure. People who know how this clandestine business operates will all tell you that the red-hot trail of the 9-11 terrorists suddenly, inexplicably, grew stone-cold.
Sarah Palin is a nimrod.
George Bush and his “ilk” (seems to be a popular word, n’est pas?) – Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, Bremer, Wolfowitz, Libby, Blair, Wurmser, etc. – are war criminals. If not in this life, then surely in the next. If there is a God, justice cannot be postponed forever.
Did I mention that Sarah Palin is a nimrod?
Christians, in their post-Judaic holy texts, are instructed to watch. Read Matthew 24:42, 25:13, 26:41, Mark 13:33/35/37, 14:38, Luke 21:36, Acts 20:31, 1 Corinthians 16:13, Colossians 4:2, 1 Thessalonians 5:6, 2 Timothy 4:5, 1 Peter 4:7, and Revelation 3:3. Here are some things to watch:
America’s problems started long before a black President with a funny name took office. Instead of acting like hysterical villagers clamoring for the head of Frankenstein’s monster, stop and look in a mirror. Every time you buy cheap food picked by migrant workers who have no rights, or a cheap product made in near-slave conditions in China or Vietnam or any of the other sweatshops around the world, you are the monster staring back in the flickering torchlight. America’s problem is you.
…and me. Read the lyrics of James McMurtry’s song “We can’t make it here.”
Above all else, hate a Muslim. It’s the Christian thing to do…
Jacques d’Nalgar (also a tomato-eater, and a very imperfect follower of Jesus)
Hot Springs, Arkansas