By Fred Clark, April 25, 2012
Don’t imagine you’re safe just because Pat Robertson, Demon Hunter, is on the job.
Sure, Robertson’s Age-Defying Shakes give him the strength to leg-press 1,000 pounds, but that won’t be enough when the Satanic baby-killers and the Nazis join forces to create the terrifying Satanazis who are coming to destroy your family and America and your American family.
“Pray that God will deliver our State and Country from this attack by demonic force, and that marriage between man and woman will be restored to its rightful place of honor,” urge political activists Mike Heath and Paul Madore, warning against the demonic threat of “sodomy-based marriage.”
“It’s the playground of Satan and the evil forces against God’s way,” adds North Carolina radio host Steve Noble.
Through same-sex marriage, sectarian lobbyist Cindy Jacobs says, “Satan wants to steal God’s family and create tyranny to have a people he can rule over.”
Brian Fischer disagrees. He argues that the Satanazis aren’t looking to create a people for their Dark Lord to rule over, but rather that they want to kill every living human being:
That’s why I want you to understand that the environmental movement is fundamentally anti-human, it is fundamentally anti-human. And this bears the imprint of the Father of Lies because the Father of Lies, remember hates human beings. Why? Because we are made in the image of God. He wants to stamp out human beings because we remind him of God. Well, environmentalists have the same exact agenda: they want to wipe humanity off the face of the globe.
Fortunately, Mississippi Gov. Phil Bryant is on hand to rein in Fischer’s hyperbole. He reminds us that the evil liberal Satanic baby-killers don’t want to kill everyone — just babies, because that’s what baby-killing baby-killers do: “Their one mission in life is to abort children, is to kill children in the womb.”
Well, of course liberals are dedicated to “murdering women before they are born,” but is that really their only mission in life? What about, as Truth in Action lobbyist Jerry Newcombe says, indoctrinating children “into a deadly lifestyle” through totalitarian schemes like the Day of Silence?
Now they chose April 20 of all days to be the Day of Silence, I looked that up, I was like, ‘isn’t that Adolf Hitler’s birthday,’ I looked it up and sure enough it is Adolf Hitler’s birthday.
Yes, trying to stop school bullying is just exactly how you would expect baby-killing Satanazis to celebrate Hitler’s birthday. Because they hate babies, schoolchildren and America. And because, as “ex-gay” activist D.L. Foster says, “the gay atheists, the glbt and their allies HATE us former homosexuals like Hitler hated Jews.”
And just like Hitler — or, as Catholic Bishop Daniel R. Jenky says, just like Hitler and Stalin — the Satanazi liberals are “pro-death.” So says Iowa state Sen. Kent Sorenson, who asks, “How many babies are you willing to slaughter, dismember and throw in a garbage can for a billion dollars?” (That’s a rhetorical question. Sorenson of course knows that Satanic baby-killers kill babies for Satan, not for money. If they were after money, then killing babies wouldn’t be “their one mission in life.”)
Maybe you’re thinking the threat isn’t real. Maybe you’re thinking this is just a snarky post, mocking a bunch of fringe characters for their over-the-top rhetoric and their literal demonization of their political opponents.
But these aren’t just fringe characters telling us that liberals are Nazis who murder babies and love the Satan whom they serve. These are Roman Catholic bishops, state governors, influential clergy and elected officials saying this.
So either the threat of the Satanazis is real, or else we’ve reached the point at which Roman Catholic bishops and Republican state governors have become indistinguishable from the lunatic fringe.
Bill Keller says the threat is real. Keller warns that Satan has taken control of both major party candidates for president.
President Obama, Keller says, is “a true enemy of God” and a baby-killing “advocate for the legalized slaughter of babies.” But he also warns that “a vote for Mormon cult member Mitt Romney will insure at least 1 million souls will end up in hell!!!” (exclamation points original).
Bill Keller also reminds us that he, Bill Keller, is not to be ignored because he, Bill Keller, is “the world’s leading Internet Evangelist” and host of “the most successful online Christian ministry in the history of the Internet.” So there.
Illustration by Darren Diss.