The things you should really fear


God bless the boogeymen

By Monsieur d’Nalgar, June 15 2016 CE


Hocus pocus, mumbo jumbo, higgity piggity, radical Islamic terrorism.  Now throw in an alakazam! and a few hooahs and mumble this magic incantation, over and over, louder and louder, until you reach the same keening crescendo as a deranged village idiot or a presumptive presidential nominee.

But I repeat myself…

Yes, my brothers and sisters!  Merely recite the magic incantation of “radical Islamic terrorism” and you, too, can help the grand old party smite evil Muslims, including that nefarious, born-in-Kenya black man in the White House!  Yes, my friends, repeating this magically delicious charm will most  definitely protect lily-white, good folk from those dusky barbarians storming the gates of citadel America.

Or is it the unhinged gates of Christian America?  Land of billionaire hillbillies and movie star preachers, babbling crude.  Braggarts, bullies, and bigots peddling prosperity gospels and telling tall tales of pistol-packing infidels under every rock and around every corner.  They hate us for our freedoms, you know.  They’re trying to impose sharia law, you know.

Are you poor?  Plant a seed and get rich quick, for Jesus’ sake.  Are you sick?  Dig deep, and conjure up enough blind faith (and cash) to heal thyself — anything less is godless socialism.  Pray for America and then come, let us go down together and worship the golden calves of mammon and manufactured paranoia…

God bless the boogeymen, for they shall keep us afraid.  Of everything and everyone.  Much too afraid to notice a rising, toxic tide of fascism that lifts only the yachts of a privileged few.  God bless the boogeymen, for they shall justify our blood lust.  And our love of guns.  And armor-piercing bullets and semi-automatic assault rifles.  God bless the boogeymen, for they fill our bellies with hate radio and Fox News.

Mene, mene, tekel, upharsin.  Your magic incantations will not save you.  And the things you should really fear are much closer than you know.


Painting by Andrew Sato.

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    • Mike Nunn on June 20, 2016 at 10:26 am

    Great — Just hope it gets published.

  1. Well, this made it into the June 23, 2016 edition of the Arkansas Times, albeit with a few judicious modifications. The OT reference from Daniel 5:25 was redacted completely (perhaps too obtuse?) and they capitalized “grand old party” and spell-checked boogie, man, to “bogeymen” which, while I’m sure that while it hews more closely to the queen’s oh-so-proper English, still loses some of that poetic cadence whirling in my dervish mind…

    Meanwhile, our local rag chose to ignore my same-day (June 19) submission completely. Instead they ran some bizarre foolishness suggesting that Boeing Corporation is in cahoots with Iran to crash nuclear thingies into NYC. When they’re not being Sunni terrorists. People, you can’t make this bat-crap crazy stuff up, but somebody is sure shoveling it into some cavernous craniums…

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